SCORPIO:
Writer Michael Tortorello has complained about the "national delight deficit." My friend Lanny bemoans the public's shrinking attention span for stories about joyful events and satisfying breakthroughs. I myself have marveled at the pathological tendency of many educated people to equate cynicism with intelligence. It's in the context of this stupefying collective addiction to dank moods that I give you your assignment, Scorpio: You, more than any other sign of the zodiac, are now primed to harvest an abundance of pleasure, mirth, and fun. Please don't keep it all to yourself; try to infect everyone you meet.