PMMJ (cheetahmaster) wrote,

OK, King Arthur was both better than I expected, and even worse than I expected. It was amusing, but not great.

The more and more I think about it, the more things I find wrong with it. So lemme start with what I liked. It was, in fact, a pretty decent story, with a couple good fights and some nice eye candy. Despite the problems, I was entertained for the length of the movie, and even surprised in a couple parts.

However. We've got a total First Knight syndrome* here: they dropped so much of the Arthurian legend, that the fact they used the names and a couple of the broad scenarios stood out and in fact got in the way of the rest of the movie. Seriously, if they just renamed the characters (and dropped the ridiculous 'based on new historical facts' part, which didn't even make any sense) the movie would have been perfectly acceptable summer costume action flick.

(Oh, and in case you get the wrong idea, King Arthur is much better than First Knight.)

Now, for a list of problems:

* Rule #1: English only! Not since my days of gaming in D&D have I seen so many people from so many different countries, but *everyone* has to speak English.

* I was wondering when someone would watch Braveheart followed by Gladiator and decide to mash them together into the same movie. Oh, and steal directly from some of the fight scenes as well. Let's not overlook the shots taken right from The Seven Samurai either.

* Why have a nameless character mention Excalibur once and *no one ever bring it up again*?

* I cracked up when they shot that guy in the tree.

* Sure am glad that Guinevere was rescued from that torture chamber thing, and managed to pack an entire wardrobe. Even more importantly, glad she had time to *shave her legs*. Hey, they were the ones that did the closeup, not me. I'm willing to let all the actors' perfect teeth go, but if you're going to all the trouble to make the cast look so beat up and filthy so much of the time, that you might want to avoid closeups like that.

* As RQ pointed out: if you just gave the Woads pointed ears, and made the Saxons walk around on their knees, this would have been a Tolkien movie.

* The last scene, if I may quote myself: "And for the warriors that fell in battle, fear not, for they all got reincarnated as horses or something." I think I also made a Seabiscuit joke thereafter.

I'm sure I will come up with more later, but, yeah, that's a good start.

Oh, and not-problems:

* Stellen Skarsgard is still awesome.

* The ice battle, while predictable and goofy, was fun.

* I like how Merlin was handled, though I must quote the NPR review, where they refer to him as "Osama bin Merlin."

* Clive Owen is now the actor I will refer to as "the not-ugly version of Nicholas Cage."

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