"Over the past few election cycles, it's become clear that voters want a 'regular' guy or gal who goes hunting and enjoys low-brow TV but is also smart enough to solve the most challenging and complex problems the world has faced. We want a candidate who exudes charisma and easily connects with people but is immune to their charms. We want a candidate with ego and ambition enough to keep him on a punishing campaign schedule, but one who is nonetheless devoted to the quiet joys of family life.

"Alas, America has yet to be graced with the national politician who is a self-effacing egomaniac, brilliant and average, sexy but monogamous, gregarious but restrained.

"And it ain't gonna happen, either."